


New Game +

by Heartofaquamarine



Category: Bleach
Genre: Gen, How did Urahara and Yoruichi survive?, Pretty damn cracky, Unohana was too awesome to be killed off in such a lazy way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 21:38:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18583090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heartofaquamarine/pseuds/Heartofaquamarine
Summary: After the battle with Askin, Urahara and Yoruichi receive unexpected help, and are asked for a favour in return...





	New Game +

It was, if Nell said so herself, a fantastically carried out rescue. Diving through the rapidly shrinking hole in the glowing ball of poorly defined death powers that Quincy had left made, grabbing three allies on the brink of death, and then managing to reverse her trajectory fast enough that all four of them escaped? Fantastic. Ten out of ten. Dondochakka and Pesche should have been waiting there with flags and streamers to celebrate her daring dive. Admittedly, Grimmjow's head had been caught on the side of a building and smashed the walls, but that may or may not have been worth bonus points. Besides, he was tough. He'd be fine.

 

Well, he'd be fine from that one hit. Unfortunately, he was, like the other two, dying of poison. Or, to be more precise, his body had been adjusted to respond to everything as if it was toxic, including oxygen, nitrogen, his own spiritual energy, other people's spiritual energy, and of course, his own blood. And now that Nelliel had rescued the three from the death ball, it occurred to her that she didn't actually know what to do with them. She made a frustrated noise at the fact that she'd missed the majority of Askin's explanation about his powers-she assumed he'd explained his powers, it was the standard procedure in battle for some reason-and thus she had no clue what the three were dying from. She had already stuck her finger in her mouth, activated her gag reflex and vomited her healing vomit over them, and that appeared to do nothing either way. Askin hadn't made vomit poisonous to them, on the grounds that he'd never expect someone to see an ally affected by his abilities and do "ah yes, time to regurgitate over them", but it wasn’t healing them either.

 

Somewhere in the distance, Yhwach was defeated, which made her task somewhat easier due to the lack of the end of the world to distract her. Still, this was very much out of her toolkit. Shinigami had healers right? She could just go and find one of them. Or, she could find Inoue and Ichigo, the former due to her healing powers and the latter because he was cool to be around. Yoruichi made a groaning noise, and in panic Nelliel threw up on her again. As she wiped her mouth, and considered her next move, quiet footsteps appeared behind her, and the problem was solved.

 

* * *

 

Urahara woke up, feeling like he'd been run over by a large truck mounted parade, lead by an appearance of the Stilleto Heel marching band, but he was also not sure he was going to wake up at all, so this was sort of like a win. A breathing mask covered his face, and twelve different IV lines were currently attached to his body. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Yoruichi to his left. He tried to check right but that eye was badly gunked up. One of the IVs glowed a soft green. His brain informed him this was probably important, but also that he was in immense pain, in an unknown environment, and that the world may or may not have ended, so he had rather a lot to think about right now.

 

Soft footsteps padded over to his bedside, and the shadow of a hand fell across his eyes. A pulse of soft green light (ah! his brain filled in, a bit late. Kido!), and Urahara was once again disappearing into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

 

When Yoruichi awoke for the first time, the oxygen masks and IV drips had disappeared, and she was staring at a familiar ceiling in the Urahara Shop. Everything felt very slow and fuzzy. She still half expected to be in naked lighting cat woman mode, but thankfully something had gone right for her. She pushed herself upright, ignoring her muscle's complaints, and held herself there for half a second before failing over. Okay, balance wasn't what it could have been. As her body landed back on the futon, she heard the sliding door slide open, and soft footsteps approaching her. “Ah, excellent. You are awake.” A quiet, kindly voice, matched to a face that appeared above her, framed by black hair pulled down into a front facing ponytail.

The peaceful affect was slightly ruined by Unohana’s face, which was still in Yachiru Unohana mode. Yoruichi blinked for a moment, before there was movement next to her as Urahara rolled over and opened his one working eye. He blinked (well, winked) at Unohana kneeling next to Yoruichi’s futon, and opened his mouth but didn’t say anything. Yoruichi turned back to the old captain next to her. “Aren’t you dead?” She said, aware of how dumb it sounded, but Urahara seemed to be doing his best impression of a fish.

“We all are.” Replied Unohana. “We are Shinigami, are we not?” Urahara and Yoruichi stared at her again.

“That was a joke my dears. Now then –“ she pulled herself to her feet and padded around the futons. “- I’ll get you both all healed up, and then I have a favour to ask of you…”

 

* * *

 

Several days later, Urahara and Yoruichi sit around a low table. By silent agreement, Unohana is at it’s head. “Are you two feeling better?” She asked, sipping the tea Tessai had provided. “Excellent” she said, without allowing them to continue, and Urahara wondered if this was how Ichigo and his friends felt when dealing with him. Or how Yoruichi felt when he activated a transformation that reduced her mental state to a wild cat without her consent…anyway. “As you may already know, I have left my position as fourth squad captain.” Urahara raised a hand. “Pardon me Capt- Lady Unohana” His time as a Shinigami had taught him to always be respectful to the lady “But we were rather the impression that you left by, well, dying…” “Oh, I did die.” Replied Unohana, with a smile that oscillated between kind and bloodthirsty as you looked at it. “I simply brought myself back.” There was a moment of silence. “I am a very good healer, you know.” She held up a hand to stop Urahara before he could begin questioning her about how exactly she resurrected herself. “I’d like to get down to business, if I may. Kisuke, I’d like you to build me a power limiting gigai.” Urahara pulled his hat (a blue striped one; his old one hadn’t survived the battle, and this was a spare) down over his eyes. “An interesting request.” “Why?” Asked Yoruichi, tapping her fingers on her arm. “Are you going to be hiding from Soul Society?”

Unohana sighed. “My dears. I am extremely old, and I have spent most of that time in service to Soul Society. Yamamoto earned my loyalty before the thirteen squads were even created. Or, if not my loyalty, at least my respect. While I’m sure dear Shunsei will step up to his new position, I saw him enter the academy as a student.” She gave the world’s most elegant shrug. “I have no desire to follow a child, so when I was given a way to leave Soul Society’s service by making them believe I was dead, I took it. But…” She fixed her gaze on a spot between the two. “I realised during that fight, I have spent too long at the top. I want to return to zero, to put myself back at the bottom, and claw my way back up. That is why I want you to make me a gigai that will drain my spiritual power, Kisuke.” The smile returned. “I want to be reduced to nothing, and then rebuild myself from scratch.”

Urahara smiled back, in the shadow of his hat. “But you would still have all the knowledge and experience you’ve gained. It would hardly be from nothing.” Unohana nodded thoughtfully. “True. I think maybe it would be best to think of this as a…New Game Plus. Starting from the bottom with some bonuses.”  


She looked at them. “Sorry, did I say something wrong?” “I just…didn’t take you as the type to play video games” said Yoruichi slowly. She had played a couple; she had spent the last century wandering around the mortal world enjoying everything it had to offer; hedonism as only a cat could carry out. But Unohana?

“I have a few installed on my spirit phone. It’s quite a nice distraction during those late nights” smiled Unohana. “But we are getting off topic. Can you do it?” Soon, Urahara was sent off to begin work on the false body for her, and Unohana turned to Yoruichi. “I was wondering about changing my image as well. Or possibly personality. The switch from Yachiru to Retsu went very well.” She took a drink from her tea again. “Tell me. What do you know about this punk rock? I rather like the sound of it, and a mohawk would be far easier to maintain than this.”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know...the image of Punk Rock!Unohana wouldn't leave my mind.
> 
> This has not been edited or beta read because I felt I had spent enough time on this dumb joke.


End file.
